You never think it will happen to you. Until it does…
4 years ago, I hit the wall. I was working for what was supposed to be the company, the one that champions women, supports new moms, and leads work-life balance from the forefront. I had the dream job too: a multi-6-figure package, fancy leadership offsites in Bali, business-class trips, and even a $500 US monthly allowance for skincare (later, I explain why).
But when something seems too good to be true, it probably is.
The reality was the exact opposite of what they were preaching.
It was a freaking joke.
New moms were welcome as long as their baby never got sick or needed a vaccination appointment. “Your nanny can do that.”
Work-life balance meant a posh gym membership so that they could justify Zoom calls around the clock - literally.
Mental health was covered by an e-learning module on burnout prevention and some nonsense corporate parade on Mental Health Day.
The offsites were a PR stunt to earn some corporate awards - another PR stunt.
International Women's Day became the epicenter of toxicity: a display of exceptional women who “had it all,” except that many barely saw their families and made up for the gap with eccentric holidays posted all over Facebook to show the world they had it all. And you didn’t.
The boss was a nice person but a workaholic by the book, and was totally oblivious and disconnected from the reality of her team. She pushed everyone to the limit, and when she asked for honest feedback and people built up the courage to open up, she translated any sign of vulnerability as a weakness. Next thing you knew, you were labeled as “under-performer” because you didn’t cope well with the responsibility and the pressure.
I stayed there 2 years to earn the 2-year nonsense stability badge on my CV, and it was 2 years too long. I figured the skincare allowance was a compensation for the accelerated ageing process (think time machine) and the eye bags. But deep down, we all carried a much heavier bag.
I burned out in a fashion I never thought I would. One night, I started sobbing openly at a restaurant after a call from my boss. It was my husband’s birthday, what was supposed to be a nice romantic date just the two of us, and I couldn’t touch the food. A 38-year-old woman crying over a whole lot of nothing. That’s what a burnout does to you.
It’s been 4 years since I left that world, though it took me a full year to really leave that world, if you know what I mean. Burnout is not something you leave behind. It follows you until you conquer it. Once I did, I published my second book, Conquering Your Burnout, and closed that loop once and for all. Or so I thought…
A new boss
Becoming a solopreneur 3 years ago meant I was now my own boss and gave me a level of freedom and lifestyle I never knew existed. Going for a run at 10 am, taking Fridays off, eating whenever you want, booking calls and holidays at your convenience…
But it also came with a level of pressure and responsibility I had never experienced before and no one warned me about it.
When I started my own business, I discovered a new type of pressure and it was brutal: my own. Coming from the stability of the corporate world, the lack of predictability and earnings was a mental burden. I felt I always had to go the extra mile and then some to deliver and perform because the numbers were not there, and in my previous life, success was always defined by metrics and P&L statements. Not performing equaled failure. So I kept the foot on the accelerator till I hit the numbers. And I did.
Then came phase 2: keeping the momentum. Once your business starts growing and gets traction, you face a new challenge: keeping up with your own growth. And that means taking that extra project, the sneaky call at night, saying yes to every opportunity, filling your color-coded calendar like a rainbow, and before you realize it, you are back to the same old toxic patterns, except this time, you look in the mirror and you realize you are your own boss. Ouch.
A new phase
2025 was year 3 of my business and things took off thanks to the boom of public speaking and my coaching business. And with the growth spurt came extra pressure but this time around, I’m trying to be a more gracious boss and setting the boundaries I didn’t have before.
The harsh truth is that being a solopreneur can easily lead to burnout because being your own boss is bloody hard. We are often tougher on ourselves than we are on others and operate in ways we couldn’t ask of our team.
Was I just as bad as my old boss?
I was shocked by how many people in my network told me this year that they hit a wall, needed to reset, or were having anxiety. This came from successful creators, Substack Bestsellers and people who seemed to have it all. On paper.
Maybe the answer is that we don’t need to have it all, but we need to learn to appreciate enough. Not in a complacent way but in a compassionate way. Compassionate to ourselves.
I’m still trying to figure out what work-life balance means for me and how to juggle being a mom and a wife, training every day, and growing a business that blends creativity and monetization, all while taking time off to rest, have fun and enjoy a TV show or a slow morning without feeling guilty or having to check my phone just in case.
As I’m taking some time off with my family in New Zealand and watching the lovely sunrise in a small town called Kōukari while my girls sleep, I wanted to write this to remind myself, and others, that we are not machines with an operational system we just reset anytime, like the Mac I’m writing from.
Some days we are running on an empty tank, others we have a sick kid at home, a personal emergency or just a bad day. And if when those days happen, I want to be a good boss for myself. The one that listens and understands without judgement, the one that gives you a tap on the shoulder, and the one that reminds you that when you only have 60% and you give 60%, you are actually giving 100% and says thank you.
One question for you today: Are you being a good boss to yourself?
Lemons & Lemonade 🍋
My goal for 2026 is to help creators and solopreneurs grow a sustainable business that combines performance, creativity and wellbeing while delivering results.
I’ll share proven business strategies and mental frameworks based on my experience as an Ironman triathlete and mompreneur, and mindset will be a big part of my work.
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Thank you so much for sharing this - it is a life-giving breath! Sending a hug of solidarity for the toxic workplace you left! I left a similarly toxic one in 2018. It was a nonprofit, so instead of hefty paychecks, we got lots of lofty *purpose* to tout. In the years since, I've had several very tentative "attempts" to branch out on my own, but have stopped for the same reason you have discovered yourself: I am horrible at self-compassion and setting healthy boundaries! It's taken almost a decade, but I think I finally have the confidence in my own boundaries to move forward. Here's to a healthy and fulfilling 2026!
Wow, your description of that fake work-life balance and IWD hypocrisy is spot on, thanks for saying it out loud!